Life is easy kya karein

These days the bed time stories are all about my childhood "Jatras". Jatra is a Gujarati word which means a trip to religious places. In Bengali, Jatra is a popular folk theatre form. Jatra comes from the word Yatra which means a journey. As a child, we went for a lot of Jatras with my Grandmother Bai and the entire family. Every Jatra is clearly etched in my mind as a soulful experience without a fancy resort,Tibetan chants and a spa. Our context of travel was oneness and being one with God or a journey towards becoming one with God. Never had these fancy words in my vocabulary then nor this 'holier than thou' attitude. They were the only vacations I had as there was no luxury of Nani Ghar or Mamar Baadi. Nani is the maternal grandmother and Mama is the mother's brother. Both these relations are very close. Most married women used to travel to their parents house with their children during vacations. People did not marry in the same city or town and for a marri

Thoughts and feelings have a way of going away. Yet we give so much importance to them. There are so many thoughts that come in the whole day. I cannot even imagine recording so much. Low energy phase is on. People are chilling in the winters. The climate is telling us to back off and release the pedal. It is the same noise of the construction of the Metro and building repairs around me but the dust and noise is bothering less. Last week of the year is that dark part of the night when you are in deep slumber. A friend said that if  a year passed by too soon, then it was a good year. Bad times pass slowly. All along, I used to think, if the year passed by quick then may be I did not do enough.  All mothers who think they are cool moms are actually hyper moms who micro manage their kids' lives. Then the other category of mothers always think they cannot relax because they have children. I want to know what the children ate at a party. When children are invited for a birthday pa

Wedding season is on. It is a big deal for us. Our weddings are not solemn affairs. It is all haphazard and there is fun all around. We jump from one ceremony to another. Some involves the Pandit and some involve elders of the family or young girls or married ladies. There is no seriousness to any affair. People are laughing and joking. There is no Master of Ceremonies and no speeches given. People just flow from one room to the other in the Shaadi ghar. The photographs are not structured where each couple stands with their spouse and there is a pecking order to the relations. The photographer knows this too and doesn't insist on coupling for pictures or trying to balance the number of men and women in the pictures. There is a lot of movement and freedom. There are traditional wedding songs being sung for every step of the ceremony. In Gujaratis, the wedding songs have lot of humour on the Pandit, the bride and the groom and all their relatives. These songs are sung while the lad

When I wrote about make up, I shared how I felt about it. A friend said that make up is always a couple of notches above the normal look, so as to look good in photographs. The result is not for the person but for the captured image. Whoah! I wanted to feel good for myself not for posterity. Weddings these days seem to have become all about photographs. I mean I dare not say 'snaps' or 'photos' or 'pics'. It is all about 'images' now. I remember the photographer in Jharia, I can't remember his name but I remember the face so clearly. He was of medium height, dark, curly hair and thick black glasses. He wore dark coloured shirts too which were not a norm. For weddings, men wore white or cream Kurta Pajama or safari suit. All these shops like 'Manyavar' and what not, did not exist then. Grooms did not match their clothes to the decor or the bride or the theme or the flower decoration on the stage. In fact, the bride did not know what the groo

I have this funny relationship with makeup. I do not like to put it on myself. I admire women who are well groomed and well made up. I feel pukey when I see someone with layers of makeup. My definition of good makeup is less and subtle. I am no expert in this field. I feel if someone is good in drawing or painting , they can put the eyeliner properly. I can't do it. I can manage lipstick and have learnt Kajal. Kajal is kohl, a very beautiful aspect of makeup for Indian women. I have not even mastered that. In fact, do I have mastery in anything at all? The answer is a candid 'No'. I am not even the Jack of all trades. I should not be categorising myself and each person is unique but I seem to do that. I have friends who are makeup artists who put lovely pictures and videos on social media. The made up brides and women look nice and not so nice but I definitely admire the workmanship of my makeup artist friends.  Attended a wedding last weekend. Right from the bride to h

When I was working and staying in the hostel, I kind of stopped believing in most festivals and rituals. I thought all this was some weird things which people did, it had no scientific base and why should I follow anyone. In the college hostel, vacations were time to go home and not connected with any festival except Diwali. Sophia College hostel was a cocoon in the heart of South Mumbai. The campus with an old palace building was a quiet oasis with trees and birds, in the mayhem of Mumbai. No festival touched it unless the college celebrated it. The Polytechnic had rock shows and one Dandiya night every year, which it soon stopped having by 1988. Only celebration was the Vegetable Biryani in lunch on Sundays. The Polytechnic hostel did not even believe in pampering the children with food. Memories of bread being there round the clock for breakfast, lunch, tea and dinner. For them, while the non vegetarians ate eggs for breakfast, the vegetarian had bread. And then when non vegetaria

There is Taman Ayun temple which is surrounded by water on all sides and lot of greenery including lawns. We did not explore it completely as we did not want to miss the Tanah Lot sunset. Uluwatu is a temple on a cliff near the Indian ocean and of course a spectacular view. We have kept these two temples for our next visit to Bali. In the Monkey Forest, there are a lot of monkeys, the ones whom we call "Hanuman ji ka roop" ( form of Hanuman) in India. There is a deep gorge with a gushing stream. You can hear it and walk close to it. There are temples and holy springs within the forest. The force of the stream is immense. It is not a gentle meandering one. There is an art gallery inside. Some silly shop construction has happened on one entire boundary wall inside the forest. It is not pleasant to the eye. Central Ubud has a lot of construction going on. Beautiful houses being broken down to make multi storied houses with restaurants or a spa. The beauty of the town is being

When we travel on a vacation, we are in a good mood. Almost everyone we interact with is warm, friendly and helpful. At Tegal Sari in Ubud, there was a subtle difference. Adding to all these qualities, people were completely genuine. No perfunctory hotel talks by the staff. The hotel is very interestingly located in between paddy fields. The owner kept acquiring little strip of land between two paddy fields and built the hotel as and when he got the land. The hotel has two entrances...one is manned, has a parking, ponds with water lilies and you walk into the Reception area which is a hut like structure which opens into a paddy field. They have the temple or Padma opposite the Reception area. It is enclosed and has a gate...very rustic and moss covered.  Subtle music from a nearby restaurant is heard because of the quietness of the place. The pool has trees and paddy fields on both sides. It was raining on and off. We got to see the paddy workers sowing the saplings and the green pad

Bali has been a dream destination for a long long time. We wanted to go for our honeymoon but the airfare seemed too high at that time.. We chose Langkawi instead and did not regret it. In the past whenever we have planned a vacation, Bali features in our short list. I always strike it down because I feel, if we are travelling so far, then we should spend enough time. I do not have a bucket list. As a bucket list , reminds me of the phrase 'kicked the bucket', which means someone died. . Have a list, but not a list of things to do before you die.  Ubud is calming, scenic and green. It is a religious place for the Balinese Hindus. All the big temples are surrounding the village. Ubud is on the hills and an hour and half drive from the Ngurah Rai Airport. Ngurah Rai is a National hero, a brave soldier who fought against the Dutch. A big statue of his is there in the airport area. Ubud is green coconut, paddy fields and healthy food. People of Ubud do not like to go to Kuta

Everyday in our house in Jharia, Rotis were made for the dog, crow and  the cow.  I did not live on a farm and we did not have dogs as pets. These rotis were made every single day for them who were stray, homeless or should I say 'free', which really would be more apt. In Fatehpur Galli, no one had pets. Somehow keeping an animal or bird, captive and providing them with the best food and bed, did not gel well with the lane. My grandmother would take a few Rotis every afternoon and go down to find a dog and a cow. The rotis for the crow were torn into pieces and thrown on the terrace. If my grandmother was out on a Teerth Yatra or a pilgrimage, the servants, when they went home for the afternoon nap would take the rotis and give it to the animals. This was not a big deal or some big charity we were doing, it was a routine. Similarly putting grains on the terrace for the birds, was a way of life. Gauri Bai had Bajri and Jowar grains in a Dalda tin with a small round Aluminium m

My new phone is a Google Pixel and there is nothing dramatic about it. The time spent in deleting all possible whatsapp images is huge. Everything including voice notes will get saved, no matter what you do. Your full time job is to sit and delete. You can only say that let it save on wifi and not on your cellular data. This is the big thing with the Pixel. Unlimited pictures. Now on my phone, I have a few hundred positive thoughts from Buddha to Paulo Coelho. Each one knows how I can lead my life the best. I have umpteen numbers of videos which other people find motivational and the funny ones too. I don't seem to have any humour left as I delete the clutter from my phone. When I wanted more pics on my phone, they were never about friends' friends dinners, holidays, someone 's nephews and pets, gardens and the new dishes they cooked everyday. I am feeling totally incapable now as a human being, cook, Mother and what not. Basically I do not like my phone cluttered with st

My mobile stories do not end. I am forever in search of a new mobile phone. The reason is not that I am excited about new technology but because I am forever unhappy with my phone. The past two times I have had an iPhone 5 and 6. Lost the first one in the desert sands of Dubai. With the iPhone 6, I have lived in the fear of  loosing it. I have been so alert that I was stressed. I got used to its newness but was always scared that I will drop it. I bought the golden iPhone but put a cover on it so as no harm comes to it. I think I took care of this one more than I took care of my children and it is perfectly okay to exaggerate things. I was just glad that I had an original iPhone cover and not the multi coloured covers everyone around me, has been using. After taking care of the phone so much, I had to keep deleting pics all the time even on a holiday. I hardly downloaded any apps except Whatsapp for friends and school Mom groups and Camscanner for clicking homework and sending to a M

I was invited on a Sunday afternoon by a dear friend for a poetry and a music session. Sunday afternoons are a complete no no for any event. That Sunday afternoon sleep is so precious. But I agreed to go and am glad I did. There is a chain of restaurants called 'Social' and they pick up the name of the area they are in. All distressed furniture, the look of a shed where a few mismatched tables and chairs are put up. Plenty of windows with sunlight and open seating area too. I am talking about the Social at Khar, a suburb in Mumbai, which is known as 'Khar Social'. They have good food but the put off is the aluminium plates, bowls and boxes , they serve the food in. Here I am struggling to remove Aluminium cooking vessels from my kitchen and why would I eat in Aluminium knowing very well it is harmful. The place is promoted for the young entrepreneurs to come, have meetings and work from here with free wifi. In the Evenings the place turns around into a lounge bar or a

I love beautiful homes and really who doesn't? Right through our first home, we have been unhappy with the sofas we have had in our drawing room. The sofa is used to lie down and read books or take an afternoon nap or to take a pre night sleep nap with the tv on. No sofa  can ever fulfill this criteria. So I put  a single bed from the guest bedroom into the living room. The living room got very crowded with it and yet the comfort was missing. The bed was moved to both the side walls of our rectangular shaped living room and then finally kept in the centre of the living room , parallel to the television. This was perfect position but one had to walk around the bed to access any part of the living room or the house, for that matter. I got smarter as we moved to our second house. I did away with the long sofa and kept only the two chairs. This time I put the mattress on the floor and put lot of cushions on it. Every fortnight I would change the mattress position and the sofas. The

Often I feel overwhelmed with work. I think the reason is that I have not been able to find everything I need for living, in my vicinity. Starting from the groceries to snacks to a beauty parlour to a tailor to a place to buy crockery and another to buy steel vessels and a third to buy glass jars to store my home made Gujarati snacks. Another place where my mixer / grinder gets repaired. Actually I have a problem. The problem is I don't like the quality of groceries in a lot of the places. For dry fruits, I like another shop. I also don't like most super markets. They do not give a grocery store feeling and personalised approach. I still believe in helping the small shop keepers and the little vendors. I do not throw away the mixer grinder, at first signs of it not working and replace it with a new one. I am concerned about the electronic waste my household is generating every time a phone charger stops working. I like pulses and peanuts at Sarvodaya. I like my Dry Fruits at

My school was around ten kilometres from home. The bus ride was full of fun with all my friends. Whenever I saw an ambulance on the way to school, I always made a wish. Ambulance were a rare sight in those days. When the ambulance was spotted, I used to cross my fingers. It had to be uncrossed only when one spotted a black car. That was even tougher than spotting an ambulance. May be that is why I do not like black cars. Even my Rolls Royce Phantom, will never be black. This crossed finger continued till school and was opened only when we had to do some writing in our notebooks. Sometimes, we used to uncross the finger if we saw a Red Ambassador , not a maroon one. I think the wish was like 'I get good marks' or that the ' Question paper is easy' or ' Let me get selected for the school Annual Day play'. My world depended on those wishes. The wish was never shared with anyone..  neither with the bus best friend, the class best friend, the school best friend, th

If someone asks me what do I enjoy doing the most, my answer would be nothing. Some people like watching movies, travelling, eating, chatting, hiking, reading, running and so on. I am just content to be at home. No reading, no chatting and really doing nothing. In physical space, we keep saying I did nothing but the mind is in the overactive zone always. The nothingness seems as elusive concept. For me, nothingness doesn't come even during meditation. The mind is so wired to think and worry. Worry about a life not well lived, things not done properly, circumstances being adverse, my appearance not been like a model, my family not being like the ideal one in ad films, my town not being the best I wanted to grow up in, the extra curricular activities which were never there, the physical fitness or the sports I never got to play. The mind has this habit of making me feel awful. Awful about where I was in life and how I am now in life. It also makes me feel awful about myself as I se

While lunching with friends, I told the restaurant owner to make the food non spicy as our guests were from Mauritius. He got so excited and said that in his young days, the 'Deos' used to come from Mauritius in the night. The consignment came in suitcases and  all the boys were crazy about them. Our guests asked them politely what he meant by Deo. Deo is the colloquial term for deodorants. The restaurant owner was  happy as Mauritius brought back so many memories of his youth.  For thousands of years I did not know the difference between a deodorants, perfumes or an After shave.  We did not get International foreign perfumes in India. We, in Dhanbad, called the perfume as "Scent" . It was always referred to as 'Scent ka bottle' . Relatives and friends going abroad would bring "scent bottles' for us. It was one per family. I did not know male and female perfumes. In some cases, the entire family splashed themselves with the same 'scent'.

 It is high time, you did this.  Timing, it is all about timing . Being at the right place at the right time is so important.  Time and tide wait for none.  There is so much conversation within me about 'time'. Time to get up, time to get ready , time to move out, time to eat, time to sleep. Half the time, I am doing something on that time because there is no other choice. I need to eat at a particular time as the dishes need to be washed and the maid comes home at that time. There is a logical sequence to do things. Time to brush, time to bathe, time to dress up.  Every one of us has the same 24 hours in a day. Some do it with so much ease and some get so stressed about the same things. I dare not refer to friends who keep saying , 'There is no time'. I feel sad for the quality of their life they are leading.   I had another story, I used to say there is no time for doing my things. I manage to do other stuff on time. I almost postpone all the

Sometimes when I am writing, I feel I have written the same before. Then I realise it has been playing so much on my mind for so long. Ranthambore seemed too special and personal a space at that time to share. We almost always do a wildlife sanctuary with our vacation. As a child, the only exposure to wildlife I had was in Calcutta Zoo. My Mom had taken me for the first time. It was so exciting and  a little picnic on the zoo grounds. I think my cousins and Masi were also there. Gir Forest was the first wild life sanctuary I had been to with my parents. I don't remember much of that though I do remember Somnath temple and Veraval. During the Travel and Tourism course, the college took us on a study educational tour to Bandhavgarh wildlife sanctuary. In the one year post graduate course, they taught us how to make an itinerary. It had to include a city with an airport, a wildlife sanctuary or some mystic natural beauty, a fort or a palace and some local art and craft shopping. It

A close friend from my hostel days moved to the US after her marriage. We lost touch and after years a chance meeting at a book store in Mumbai where her husband recognised me and asked me to meet his wife. She had a child who was not a baby. He was walking talking English. When you are single and you see a class mate who has moved so much ahead in her life, it just feels weird. There is an instant disconnect. Even when she is reminiscing about our wild days, I feel why is she doing that. She is a Mom now and that too of a grown up kid. When you are single, a grown up child is a seven year old. She was living a very happy life with her family in America. She was talking about what her day is like there and that is where I heard the 'word' the first time.  My friend said she is a 'Soccer Mom'. I did not know what Soccer was apart from the fact that it is a game. And ' Soccer Mom' was even more alien to me. She laughed and explained that she does pickups and dro