Tiger Moms

A close friend from my hostel days moved to the US after her marriage. We lost touch and after years a chance meeting at a book store in Mumbai where her husband recognised me and asked me to meet his wife. She had a child who was not a baby. He was walking talking English. When you are single and you see a class mate who has moved so much ahead in her life, it just feels weird. There is an instant disconnect. Even when she is reminiscing about our wild days, I feel why is she doing that. She is a Mom now and that too of a grown up kid. When you are single, a grown up child is a seven year old. She was living a very happy life with her family in America. She was talking about what her day is like there and that is where I heard the 'word' the first time.  My friend said she is a 'Soccer Mom'. I did not know what Soccer was apart from the fact that it is a game. And ' Soccer Mom' was even more alien to me. She laughed and explained that she does pickups and drops for her young son from school, games class, play dates, birthday parties etc. She explained that it was an American term. 

I had no idea about the world she was talking about. The world of drops and pick ups. My Mom did not do those things. We went to the bus stop on our own and the school bus fetched us. All friends which I could visit were within walking distance from home. Half of my relatives and friends lived in the same lane where I was did, Fatehpur Galli. We just told Mom and went to their house walking. The other places you went only if your parents were going. The invitation was never for the child alone. The concept of attending a class or a tuition or learn a game in a far off place, did not exist. My brothers went to play cricket and they went with elder boys from the lane. No one worried about how your child will cross the road or will he get hurt or will he get kidnapped. They were simple days with simple people living simple lives. The mothers were stress free because they trusted the Universe. They believed their child will be safe and that is the way it was.

Now I see an era of new age Moms. My friend has lovingly calls them 'Tiger Moms'. So similar to Tiger Sharks.  Google has taught me that Tiger Moms are raising their children in a traditional way and with a lot of discipline. I am not referring to those ones here. The Desi Tiger Moms are  like your modern day Feminists, who will complain about anything and everything. They will complain about the school, the teachers, the teaching style , the portion, the time table, the uniforms, the school trips, the excursions, the class children and the 'Didi' in the school bus. If things are going well for the child, they will complain that there is nothing challenging for the child to do and hence he is bored. These mothers will argue with the school teachers till their view point is accepted. These are the Moms who put their kids in multiple tuitions to improve the child 's IQ and performance. They have the child's good at their heart. Their whole world revolves around how well he/she is in comparison. The mothers are fiercely competitive under the garb of 'let the child do what he wants to'. They network with other mothers just to find out where do other kids go and what extra curricular activities is their child going in. Let me say that they have the best interest of their child in their heart. It is their approach which is 'oh so aggressive'. They are reading a lot of child rearing blogs and following some Facebook pages on how to raise your child well. The context is competition and my child should be better than others. Most of these are young Moms. They go to the Gym or do some exercise regularly. The mothers wear well fitted synthetic branded clothes. They have married early and have a set of servants at home. They do not cook their own meals. They are rich and take regular foreign holidays. The child spends a lot of time with maids and servants as the parents are out socialising. The child's evening playtime is more important than any activity at home including guests and family functions. 

The child is turning out to fulfill  the mother's unfulfilled dreams. All her anger with life is channelised to raise her kid as the best kid on the block. She is very insensitive to everything around including other children. The latest gizmos and clothes are ordered online for the child The milestones of the child are kept and compared with other mothers. I do not know if this will go on till the child goes to college or work or gets married. All mothers may not have all the dominant traits but a Tiger Mom can be seen from far. Raising a sensitive child is never about an annual visit to the orphanage or saying 'Thank You', 'Please' and 'Sorry' at the right time. Do these mothers realise that they are responsible for a whole new generation? Do they realise what kind of a generation of human beings they are raising?

Move out of the way, Tiger Moms, let your child grow. Just grow, without an agenda. A mango tree will only bear mangoes. Work on yourself, Mommies and leave the kids alone.