Dwand

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I am dealing with some metaphysical questions in my life. Should I or Shouldn't I ? Can I or Can I not? Is it for the higher good? Will it benefit all? Am I thinking only of my good with this? Should I talk to the concerned people or should I talk to strangers? Will the situation persist or do I have the power in my hands to change the situation? What if this continues? Where do we go from here? Am I scared of hard work? Why can't I make this work? Am I reading too much into this? Is it causing a lot of stress? Is Social Media adding to my woes? Am I being plain lazy and stupid? Why can't I learn to adjust? Will it be fair to all concerned? What am I resisting at this point in my life? The eternal question is to be or not to be. 
And with lot of internal churning I have got the real area I am dealing with in my life. It is whether to have a live-in house help. In these times, my existing staff's residential areas are in containment zone. Strange but in the new parlance, words like 'red' and 'containment' zones, have become common. So it is not advisable for them to be going out for work. In such a scenario, do I keep someone who can stay with us and to do the housework. The cause of concern is the loss of privacy as all of us are home right now and sharing of the toilets. The advantage is giving money, food, accommodation to someone, getting basic household chores done, so I can focus on other things. What other things is also a question. A question I have some vague answers for. I really do not want this post to be like my diary but then so is most of me. What is wrong in a diary? Why can't I share with others if I want to? Why does a diary have to have secrets? Why can my life not be an open book? What are the secrets which I do not want some to know and some can know? These questions continue to plague the empty mind. As I work, meditate and read, the questions keep playing their part. They make me think and act. They make me react and also go into a shell. Is the duality in my question or is it in my mind? Is 'duality' being nice to some and not so nice to some? Is it Dvait and Advait  streams of Philosophy ? Am I thinking of Ek Omkar or Sarv Brahman? Or is it about my Ishta Devta or my thirty three Koti Devas? Am I thinking of the Kul Devi Hinglaj Mata whom I cannot visit anymore or the Kailash Mansarovar which I want to go before I turn fifty? My Chaar Dhaam Yatra is still to be done and so are all the beautiful temples of Tamil Nadu. One life is definitely not enough to do all the Darshan of all the temples in India. Do I want to be born again? Is rebirth something I am looking forward to? Didn't I want Moksh and freedom from the cycle of rebirth? But I must be born again if my purpose in life is not over? What is the purpose of my life? Do I have to reach somewhere or am I a wanderer? A rolling stone or a ' Chikna Ghada'? [Un -mossed or mossed?] Did I not walk the path or did I get waylaid? Is there a big game I am upto or life is not a game? Am I serious about life or do I take it too seriously? Is this frustration or is this 'Manthan'? Is Amrit ever going to come out of this or it was always there and I did not see it? Did I miss the bus or was there no bus to catch? This is the journey or  is this the destination? Where I am is where I am meant to be or  is this the starting point? Which me is deciding what for myself? Which self is me- the one I am or the one I think I am? The one I want to be is not who I am. The goal changes as the games proceed. Is it really so or was it really so?
Everything does not have to have answers or every question comes because the answer is already there? 




Comments

  1. UnknownJuly 6, 2020 at 5:56 AM

    Perfectly penned down dear... Going through same phase , the thought process , searching, getting lost, unclear about Who I am, Why I am,.....

    ReplyDelete

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