My Left Ankle

 Actually, things are quite simple, once we stop resisting them. Resistance is all in the mind. In fact, our body too resists when the mind is screaming. Shrinking, feeling tight in the heart, in the gut and jaws. I don't frown but I can feel that urge to pull my hair or rather massage my hair, when I am stressed.  

The left ankle is used for kicking the bucket, shutting the bathroom door, pushing the laundry basket away, straightening the Yog mat and some kitchen drawers too. How I hate bending to open drawers and pulling out vessels. The iron vessels which I love the most, I resist the most. Same happens with the people I love, . The Lodge iron pan, which the husband got from a trip to Canada,  long before Lodge was available here and The Dosa Tawa which my cousin gave me to  season it and then gifted it to me. I am sure she saw the love in my eyes for the Tawa. When I was newly married, I could never understand why my Mother-in-law loved steel utensils and Dibbas so much. I confess that I am exactly like that now. Kitchen stuff gives me joy. See, what you resist, you also start loving it. 

These days I have noticed that resistance brings unnecessary struggle. Whereas, I don't need to. I do feel sad that all the resistance went waste. I didn't have to scream and shout and yet it went my way. It could be with anyone, the children, the staff or the suppliers. I don't dare scream at anyone else. I do see my nasty side when I am not being nice to people or when I am impatient to listen to their stories. I also see myself taking advantage of their love or their position. I am present that I do not bring love and generosity everywhere. Not even to my left ankle which is a part of me. A very important part of me is how I realise now that there is no swelling or pain. Yet I know it is hurt and is hurting within. I am like a strict warden, who can't understand, that despite my strict health regime, why is healing taking so long. What am I resisting now that the minute unease persists. 

The left ankle sprain was caused at Lalbaug during Darshan. No one s fault, I was jumping queues from regular line to VIP line as all were doing the same. Well, my ankle has not been the same since. No fracture , no swelling. Just the left ankle constantly making me know that it exists. 

My idea of beauty is formed totally from Bombay Times and Instagram. I think thin, tall and fair is beautiful. Saw one such beauty at the mall. I was floored. Long black dress, a red purse and Miu Miu sunglasses inside the store. I don't recognise sunglasses by their shapes or size. The brand name was boldly written on them on both sides. I guess the logo is the brand name and vice versa. Or may be the Creative team got too tired designing, so they did away with the logo. Or for the Gen Z, the Name is the new Logo. 

I was still swooning. Wow, total airport look vibes, she was giving. She was billing ahead of me. When the cashier handed her the bag and the return change, she tapped with her long fake pointed painted nails on the table. She meant "Keep the change on the table". She would get germs if she touched a person of colour. All my admiration for her, went down the drain. How could she or rather why would she? So much arrogance! The cashier Amruta was amazing and continued with her work without a 'Shikanj" on her face. She was efficient and must be dealing with all kinds of weird customers in her job. I was busy sympathising with her as I paid up and left the store. Some faces stay with you.