Oneness

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There is a pressure on time even in the Lockdown. Actually, the timings have gone all haphazard at home plus my efficiency levels are not at the optimum. New levels of patience with timings are needed. We have all gone into the slow zone mode. Mood swings are a norm now. I am not able to multi task. I am not even in Yoga zone. Slow life is where I am but not consciously. Not enjoying it as I become harsh on myself. My friend told me, you have to let somethings go. I am letting a lot go in terms of how I want my house to be. But I guess, there is more I need to let go. Here, when I am meditating with Sri Sri everyday and he keeps saying Let go. Even letting go of my breath is not easy. I am thinking of some clothes which I had kept to be given for dry-cleaning. There is a bag full of Sarees for fall and beeding and Saree blouses to be stitched . I am concerned about do I stitch them and wear them for Ganpati. How will Ganpati be this year in Maharashtra? How will we have Bappa at home? Usually by May, a whole lot of my preparation for Ganpati is done. As June heralds the monsoon in Mumbai, I try to finish the major shopping before that. Only Groceries and Puja Samagri is bought a week before Ganpati. Children are asking me which cook will come for Ganpati. I am wondering when can I resume my Siddhi Vinayak walks and Darshan.

Future is so unsure and yet I want to put so much structure to it. I want to plan for so many moments which I have no clue how they will pan out. Even in the month of March, I was pretty sure our hot weather will take care of the current crisis. Glad I am home and the sun is not so harsh here. The mangoes are there nurturing us but the joy of coming home to chilled 'Aamras' is missing. When everything is there, I am looking for what is missing. Wonder why. In two months, I should have been confident enough to manage my full house without help. Alas, no such thing. I still miss my house help, though I do not miss the stress caused by their work. Unconsciously I am buying little more veggies and fruits. Chopping them is a pain. I managed to hurt myself with the knife for what I think  would be the second time in my life. I saw so much blood flow from the left thumb and I was thinking of all the murders n riots n the killings. How much blood of our Soldiers flows during the war and terror attacks? How much planning does a Soldier do when he doesn't know if he will be talking to his family after a mission? All those messages for planning for Corona seem so weird when compared to the life of a Soldier and their family. They do not see the enemy and do not know where the attack will come from. There will be no family members around if the end comes. Today, I pray for all our Soldiers are their families. Little uncertainty and I am restless. I cannot even imagine the uncertainty with which they lead their lives. What kind of Brave people they are. For me, the only way to show gratitude is to pray for them. 

I do not understand how people keep finding the bad in everything. Is that what is called being Intellectual, Liberal or Socialist? I cannot understand how people have so much anger against their our people, Country, society, colony,  Mohalla, religion, Way of life, customs. When we were living in Jharia, there was always a shortage of water and electricity. There was no fresh air and only coal dust and houses sticking to each other. It was crowded with people and very nice people. I remember nights without electricity . In winters, Lighting the Chulha to heat water for bath as hardly any hot water in the geyser. Studying in the Dibri and Lantern. The smell of Kerosene as wicks were dipped and the lantern glass were cleaned, every evening before sunset. The Dacoity happening every few days in the vicinity and yet we were all happy. My family nor the community sat and criticised everything around. Today, Cribbing is the new in thing. People do not miss an opportunity to criticise their Nation, neighbours, politicians, religion, spirituality, friends, corporations, communities, transport, infrastructure, etc. To me all these words brings Oneness. 


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