Ikea it is

In Dhanbad, the only things I knew was what was written in The Telegraph, Reader's Digest, Jane Austen books. My knowledge was limited to that and later to Sidney Sheldon, Harrold Robbins and one cry baby author . I am glad I do not remember her name because in all her books the hero or heroine died and one was left alone. Then in Mumbai, so many new words were heard and a lot of cuss words too. Swearing was so fashionable. Now I find it so sick. Much later I came to know what was Stockholm Syndrome. Till then that was my only connect to Stockholm. Strange but when I was in Stockholm, I never thought of it.  I am sure people do not think of it like that. For me certain words bring certain images. 

Jharia means childhood, Sophia was college life, Nariman Point was Oberoi, Colaba was hostel, Buffet was Outrigger, Coffee shop was Shamiana and Samarkhand and Ikea is amazing home stuff. I had been to the Ikea in Dubai years back and then avoided the store as it was always out of town. We decided to go to the one in Oslo. The free shuttle service to Ikea from the city centre added to the temptation. I wish I had not fallen prey to it and yet I am glad I went and learnt my lesson. It is one place which will make you hate your own house. They entrance is not welcoming. You are expected to know your way around or follow some obscure arrows on the floor. We missed those arrows and were always lost. There is no planning to which section you are in. Which section will lead to what is a mystery. Instead of living room, we had walked into the children's section and from there to the bathroom accessories. I did not get a decent simple soap dish. Now do not criticise in Ikea as all the knives are out  The knives and scissors are well displayed and easy to buy. If you have 4 hours, you will flounder for 4 hrs. You have to choose your product and then the billing is a couple of kilometres away on some other floor. You are forced to walk through the maze before you come to the cashier. The idea is to confuse you so you land up buying unnecessary stuff and come back next time for the necessary stuff. Make mistakes and Repeat. They give the customers so many options and choices but in a completely haphazard way. Plus certain items have to be picked up from their godown like place where you should have the bar code number of the item. Go to the innumerable racks, find the barcode number. The ferry lights I wanted to buy, were all battery operated or you had to fix the bulb to the wire, make the paper lanterns on your own and make sure that fit the bulb and the wire. Guess what all of this was readymade in Thailand and at less than half the price and better quality. So Ikea makes a fool of you. I am a Gawar or a gawk  in shopping. I asked my friend to click some of her house hold  Ikea stuff and send me. They do have excellent free wifi in Ikea. I Showed the sales people the pics and asked them where I could find it. Despite the pictures, it was not easy. The Magnet strip to stick the knives looked small and compact. On coming home and fixing it, i realise it is for a hotel as it can take about 20 knives. I needed to stick 3 knives and  1 pair of scissors. 

I am spatially challenged and this was proven in a training program at the Oberoi. We were taken to Lonavla for a week stay in a very sad hotel on the highway. The training program was dull and boring. Zero outdoor activities. Very juvenile young junior colleagues who were so excited to be staying in a 2 star property. We were given pieces of cardboard and had to make a shape out of it. We had to pass pieces and take pieces from others. Later I came to know it is called a Tangram puzzle. Me and a sane friend from Accounts department were the last with our pieces and we both could not form the square. We did not know how to finish the game. Later the Trainer said that you could have given all the pieces to the other one and walked off. That way you did not have to make the puzzle and it would not be your headache. Alas, if in life I could just put all my work on someone and walk off, expecting them to deal with it. He said I did not have spatial ability. I was shattered and felt insulted. The way this exercise landed is that it is for housekeeping n kitchen staff as they need to organise all the hotel stuff in the kitchen, laundry or rooms. Now whenever I cannot make things fit in the cupboards or shelves, I always wish I have support staff who can do it better than me. When I visit people whose homes are well kept, I am always looking at how they organise their kitchen shelves, cosmetics, laundry, detergents, crockery etc. I am not too impressed by paintings and decor stuff in the living room, as I am with the organisation of the home. I keep beating myself over my lack of spatial abilities. If you are someone like me, you will feel horrible in Ikea. You will feel that you do not have anything nice in your house or you are a pathetic home maker. In Ikea, the show cased homes, flats, bedrooms, kitchens, dining spaces are to die for. 

At home,the furniture is moved around for sweeping and mopping. In fact, for me, whatever has not moved, has not been cleaned well. In Ikea, all furniture is Do it yourself. Everything is sold in thin card board boxes. After buying from the pictures shown, I can still see that the dimensions are not right for my house. It occupies more space than creating space in my kitchen. Ikea will make you buy useless things as they are the prettiest and the cheapest. I have bought a glass cleaning brush and a kitchen sink cleaning brush because in their display, it looks so attractive. My big advice to my Desi friends is that buy in India because Everything is available readymade and you do not have to assemble it. If you still have the phoren goods craze like me then please buy from Thailand. Even the 'Central' there has amazing household stuff. Ikea will fool you into the false sense of luxury and comfort, none of which is true. Like friends living abroad told me, the stuff breaks soon and is good for students who will use it for a couple of years. 

Ikea had a restaurant which had one vegetarian pasta. The white Chef would put very little tomato sauce in our pasta and would heap a lot for the White people. The cashier was an Indian from Punjab settled in Norway for the last 35 years. The machine to take water and cold drinks was complex and the staff was not keen to help you. The cashier was very helpful. Food is sad. After getting lost again to find the billing counters, we ran for the shuttle bus. The bus driver saw us and we kept waving to him. He was in the Ikea compound next to us and he refused to stop for us. The next bus was in 30 minutes. We kept waiting for it. The bus arrived but it would not leave. The driver decided to leave after an hour. We went to the customer service desk, and they said they do not have any authority to tell the driver anything. I need to to email Ikea customer service. Nothing can be done about the bus. We bristled and cursed the driver who did not pick us up. 

Then realised  child could not find her Google Pixel phone. Now we tried to trace back inside Ikea at all the places we had walked through. That was going to be tough and now we had to take the bus out of Ikea whenever the driver decided to. I asked one of the sales staff dressed in a bright yellow t shirt. She made one call to the security on her cell phone and Viola! They had the phone and I was asked to go to the Cafe to collect it. I ran and waited for 10 minutes. Time was ticking as we did not want to miss the bus. Then on my way out, I went to the customer service desk, who gave me the phone without any questions. The beautiful blue cover must have done the trick. We thanked them profusely and ran for our Ikea shuttle. The phone was found by the staff on the restaurant  table where the child forgot when she went to clear the plates. So grateful to people and cities where we find lost things and people.  Thankful to the efficient Ikea staff. The driver not stopping the  shuttle bus was a blessing in disguise. That is when we realised the phone was missing. The child was thoroughly relieved with the phone being found or else she would not have heard the end of it. This is rich, coming from me, who has lost a few phones. 

Ikea is a Swedish brand known for its simple user friendly designs. I was amazed, enamoured and belittled [feel small and ill equipped] in the space. Then I remember that I do not have spatial abilities:)