Home is where the heart is

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There is an old lady who lives in the building next to ours (colloqially referred to as 'baaju ki building'). I am sure the building and the lady has a name but I fail to connect with the name. She is so warm. Talks to the children through the iron gates which are always shut for human beings. This gate opens only for the building cars. So we talk through the iron railings. She gives money to the children to buy them gifts ( 'Khau' is the marathi term when an elder gives you some money as a gift and asks you to buy food of your choice). She is back from the Old Age Home after eight months. She said her daughter in law had gone to Japan and kept her there as an old woman cant go and stay with relatives for long. Our lady was wearing a sky blue Lucknowi saree with a matching blouse. She is  looking very happy and healthy. She said she prefers staying in the Old Age Home as there are people to talk to. At home, there is no one to talk to. The home where she was, she also does not remember its name but she remembers the friends she made there. The ground floor has rooms for women and the first floor is allocated to men. Each room is twin sharing, has two cots and two cupboards. The dining room has a dining table which can seat twenty people. Morning tea is at 7 am, breakfast at 8.30 am, lunch at 12 noon, afternoon tea at 3pm, dinner at 7pm. The lady was so happy conveying the timings to me. Am sure she relishes the food there. 

As a child, even I enjoyed being at my cousins' place in Dhobatand. I could live there forever. I never wanted to come back to my home from there. It was the company of both my cousins and my Buaji. Just having friends or similar age group siblings to talk with, is so much fun. I would come from Mumbai and there would be great exchange of ideas, thought processes and more. I could not scandalize them with all my liberal talks. Dhanbad sure was a 'forward'  place. Gujaratis have a saying during their matrimonial discussion, when they describe a hep family or a hep boy as 'Bahu forward chhe'. 'Forward' can sometimes be misconstrued as 'character less' or 'womaniser' in case of the boy/ groom. Home is a place where I can express myself freely, a place to share ideas and have a healthy exchange, discussion and debate. Parameters might be there but one can expand the boundaries always. Home is a place where I listen and experience others listening to me. Home is where I keep my pride and prejudice aside. Home is where love over rules everything else. One is always looking for company at home. Outside, we have friends. 

The child does not want me to wear a saree when her friends come home for Ganpati or at her school  Annual day function . I was given these instructions a month back. The husband feels I should not change from a Saree to a Salwar Kameez after the Ganesh Puja. This was conveyed to me after I had changed my clothes. Did not succeed in making any of them happy with my choice of the wardrobe. I have my own set of dos and donts. Like not to wear black for a Puja or an auspicious event. To dress appropriately because in India, we have many weathers and many functions, Pujas and events to attend. Then there are functions at your parents house and your in-laws house. The dressing changes with the  community and the type of the event too. Being a daughter of the family gives you lot of privileges.I can wear a Spaghetti strap Saree blouse for a wedding at my parents side of the family. It is another matter that after ten years, my Mom can still point it out to me and say how Dad's friend's wife was shocked by my style of dressing. 

When we went to book our Ganpati, the younger child wanted a big Ganpati. She said  "When I get married, I am going to have Ganpati at home and I will get a big Ganpati". I was a little shocked. Does she think this is the home where she is not able to fulfil her choices? Or does she think that her married home is her home? Does she think that is where she will have all the freedom? Does she think that her Mom can do all that she wants because Mommy is married? Doesn't she know all the hard work I put in? Uff, me and my dramatic stories. I should be happy that she looks at marriage as a home of freedom and happiness or should I be sad that she doesn't think so here? Wont this be her first home always? Will I be able to cut the umbilical cord? Will I be able to provide her all the freedom to grow up as a free person? 

As a homemaker, am I providing a 'home' to all those who walk into my space? Does the family experience 'being at home' with me? Do my friends and family experience oneness with all our uniqueness and individuality? 

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