The fine art of gifting
What do I do with the gifts I get? My first memory of a gift is my father getting me a doll from Delhi. Her blue eyes used to open and shut and she had short hair. Next time he got me a black train engine which worked with battery and had a red light on top. It was made of metal and had great finish when I compare it to the China Made toys we get nowadays. Then Dad got me books like The Ugly Duckling by Hans Christian Andersen and some small children's encyclopaedia. I cherished these gifts. My Mom must have bought me all the daily necessities and more,which I have no memory of.
The earliest I remember is some relative visiting us in Jharia and giving me money. Relatives did not get gifts, they always gave money to the children. I happily took the cash and my Mother told me to give it back. This scene was happening at the red cemented circular staircase we had at the main entrance of our house. I do not remember the amount or what I would have done with the money. I have no memory of the relative who had given me the Rupee note, I just remember Mom asking me to give it back. After the guests had left, she explained to me that I should not accept money from relatives when they come home as it looks bad.SHe explained that it looks like we don't have enough if we take from them. I then learnt the art of refusing money in my life. I always believed I had enough. I learnt to clench my fists, when relatives wanted to put money in my hand.
Now I am passionate about giving gifts and receiving gifts. I am also fussy about receiving gifts. I do not like things easily, what people give me. I have friends who have returned gifts and some who have cherished the gifts given. I have become okay with gifts not being accepted as people have that stuff or won't be using it. I have had books and bags returned to me. I usually do not return gifts to the person who has given. At times, I recycle gifts. Other times, I tell my friends if they would like it as I am not using it. That honesty works as they also have a choice to refuse or accept the gift. I am not the ones who will hoard gifts. Just because it is given to me, it can't simply languish in my cupboard. Its better that it is used by someone. I do not like gifts being refused with arrogance. I do feel bad when it is refused with a bad attitude. Some people have also made me change the gift I have given them. In that case, the first gift is still with me and I have had to go and buy something new. In India, exchange is possible only in big shops and that too not for accessories, undergarments, make up etc.
Paying back is gift is a weird thing. When I get a gift and when it is my time to give, do I give a gift of the same amount? If I give of a lesser amount, will it look bad? Do I have to buy a gift of an increased amount to balance it off. This accounting makes me mad. I do it at times and I am not denying it. Gifts is not the only way to reciprocate your feelings but a thoughtful gift is always precious. Some people in my family think I always give cheap stuff. I have not been able to change that mindset yet. I might have bought the most thoughtful thing in my mind but it may appear tacky to someone else.
Now I take cash from my parents, haque se ( as if I deserve it ). My relatives still gift me money and I love it. With friends, it is always gifts and not cash. Now there is gratitude in receiving. I do feel privileged when someone thinks of getting me a gift. Even a recycled gift is no more taboo. Energy flows and so do gifts in and out of our house.
The earliest I remember is some relative visiting us in Jharia and giving me money. Relatives did not get gifts, they always gave money to the children. I happily took the cash and my Mother told me to give it back. This scene was happening at the red cemented circular staircase we had at the main entrance of our house. I do not remember the amount or what I would have done with the money. I have no memory of the relative who had given me the Rupee note, I just remember Mom asking me to give it back. After the guests had left, she explained to me that I should not accept money from relatives when they come home as it looks bad.SHe explained that it looks like we don't have enough if we take from them. I then learnt the art of refusing money in my life. I always believed I had enough. I learnt to clench my fists, when relatives wanted to put money in my hand.
Now I am passionate about giving gifts and receiving gifts. I am also fussy about receiving gifts. I do not like things easily, what people give me. I have friends who have returned gifts and some who have cherished the gifts given. I have become okay with gifts not being accepted as people have that stuff or won't be using it. I have had books and bags returned to me. I usually do not return gifts to the person who has given. At times, I recycle gifts. Other times, I tell my friends if they would like it as I am not using it. That honesty works as they also have a choice to refuse or accept the gift. I am not the ones who will hoard gifts. Just because it is given to me, it can't simply languish in my cupboard. Its better that it is used by someone. I do not like gifts being refused with arrogance. I do feel bad when it is refused with a bad attitude. Some people have also made me change the gift I have given them. In that case, the first gift is still with me and I have had to go and buy something new. In India, exchange is possible only in big shops and that too not for accessories, undergarments, make up etc.
Paying back is gift is a weird thing. When I get a gift and when it is my time to give, do I give a gift of the same amount? If I give of a lesser amount, will it look bad? Do I have to buy a gift of an increased amount to balance it off. This accounting makes me mad. I do it at times and I am not denying it. Gifts is not the only way to reciprocate your feelings but a thoughtful gift is always precious. Some people in my family think I always give cheap stuff. I have not been able to change that mindset yet. I might have bought the most thoughtful thing in my mind but it may appear tacky to someone else.
Now I take cash from my parents, haque se ( as if I deserve it ). My relatives still gift me money and I love it. With friends, it is always gifts and not cash. Now there is gratitude in receiving. I do feel privileged when someone thinks of getting me a gift. Even a recycled gift is no more taboo. Energy flows and so do gifts in and out of our house.
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