Love and Togetherness

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A friend sent a personal response to my last post. She shared that around her in North India, the scenario is opposite. The daughter-in-law is not willing to allow her children to spend time with the paternal Grandparents. The daughter-in-law wants a share in the family wealth but does not want to take on any family responsibilities. I grew up in a family where I was equally fond of my cousins and relatives on paternal and maternal side. I think lot of this is dependent on the mother of the house. If as a child, I see my Mom only with maternal relatives, then that is what I will take on in my married life and with my children. If I see my Grandmom with only her side of the family, then I will feel that is the right way to behave.

Men do not have these conversations or never have any issues regarding these things. I seem to be righteous about it. For me joint family is like Ram Rajya, all have to be happy living together. Is this Utopia, I am going after? Is this not possible? Am I looking at an ideal situation in every one's life? Or am I living in a fool's paradise? Yes, I have heard about daughter-in-law acting funny or her mother interfering in her married household. A mother-in-law who has lived in a single family will never want her daughter-in-law living with her. I do feel instead of fighting every day and being unhappy, its better to live separately.

We have seen, heard and read about married girls dying due to torture at her in-laws household. We have never heard of a mother-in-law committing suicide because of her daughter-in-law. This is a very serious issue.Dowry deaths are prevalent and so is suicides committed by married girls due to torture by husband and in-laws. I was just going to write about children and how growing up with grandparents and cousins is so much fun. I was writing about how paternal grandparents should contribute in the lives of their grandchildren which also means taking a part of the responsibility of raising the grandchild. But all these issues seem so entwined. Which mother would want to give her child to a mother-in-law,who fights with her? Which married girl will trust her children with in-laws, when she knows they talk ill about her all the time? I know the issues are personal with each one of them but we are fragmenting our society. In these personal wars, the larger picture is destroyed.We are tearing the fabric of our culture, our values and our joint family system. Sorry if I am not sounding like a feminist. I believe in love and togetherness.

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