Ego

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Child came from school and mentioned that some one in her class has Ego. I was taken aback. What does a ten year know about Ego? How did she get to learn this word and to use it? Is Ego and Egoistic same? Did she mean the class mate was egoisitc? What was her experience that she used such a strong word?  How do I explain it to her? Do I ask her why she is using that word? Do I ask her what happened? Do I try to talk her out of using such words for her friends? As a mother, should I cut this conversation in the bud? Is she really looking for help? I simmered but I did not advice her. Later she said he was a friend and enemy. Frenemy is the new term coined in Bollywood news. The child shared all this in complete innocence but my maternal instincts were on high alert.

As a mother, I am just looking at countering emergencies or handling situations for my children. This is so lousy. Instead of creating something wonderful for my children, I am looking at 'What needs to be handled next?' I do not want to live my life expecting emergencies. I want to have peace in life.At home and in all my years in the hostel, we lived peacefully as children. I had no one breathing down my neck or monitoring my conversations.In hostels, the friends cared for each other and at the same time they were sure that each one was capable of handling their own lives. In the joint family when I grew up, the same principle followed. All were clear that the house will run well and one's absence won't stop anything. It did not mean a person/ family member was lost in the whole. It just meant each child and adult was taken care of even if the mother or spouse was not around. The unsaid accountability was so beautiful, seamless and effortless.

Now the joint family system is reducing. The youth have ego but the adults have more ego. The 'in-laws' want the daughter-in-law to bow more and listen more. The elderly are living in a time warp where they have become modern in the external way but feel that as they did so much for their in-laws, their children should do more for them. The sons are fed up of this fight and prefer to live separate from parents. Ultimately the entire support system to a married girl is provided by her parents and her family. The 'in laws' do not want nor take any responsibility of the grandchild or the household even if they are living together. The Grandparents who chip in to a child s life are the maternal Grandparents. I see this so much in Mumbai and among all school Moms. Each one has the support from their Mother's side and not from the 'In-laws' side of the family. 'In-laws' side of the family also has women but the modernization has sucked all homely instincts from them. These new age 'in-laws' feel its their time to enjoy and they do not want any responsibilities. I feel why should only a girl's parents fulfill all responsibilities of Grandparents, parents and support. Is it not unfair?

Strange it is , but even the men folk/ husbands know that their parents are not contributing and they are okay with it. No wonder people are killing the girl child at inception. Who wants to deal with horrible 'in-laws' their whole life? A parent can't see the daughter suffering at the hands of 'in-laws', so they would rather not raise a daughter. Morality be damned. I am not talking about life in  villages, I am referring to the urban Mumbai where the middle class lives like us live like this. Dowry deaths/ suicides/ harassment happen in cities too. The boys' parents go to the gym, vacations, kitty parties, social  functions but have no time for the son , daughter-in-law and grand children. Is this their big fat Ego which does not allow them to contribute? The girls' parents have to fulfill all roles and they do so happily.Who said being a girl's parent was easy?  The parents who are good to their daughters and son-in-law are the same who are not good to their son and daughter-in-law. Someone please explain what is the big thing about being a boy's parents. Why does the girl's side bow down to the groom's parents even now? By being good to their daughter's in-laws, are the parents able to give their daughter peace and happiness? Why as a society have we become so Egoistic?



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