Sunday, May 26, 2013

Erase and Rewind

Went on a holiday to a few places. Met a lot of loved ones. Feel complete and rejuvenated. I can't even spell the word 'rejuvenate' and had to use the dictionary to get the correct spelling. I realized that to feel that I need to be surrounded by my loved ones. Going there made me realize how much family means to me. How my childhood memories are stronger than my adulthood memories. How those snippets of conversation make me smile even after years. In between, I did not visit my hometown for a few years. People keep coming to meet me so there never seemed a need to go there. Adding to that we now have the technology of cell phones, Facebook etc so all news was received. Appropriate calls were made at the right occasion. Right things were said on the phone. It all reduced to a formality and went in my list of things which cannot be avoided. I lost the real connect with the place and people. All information/ news came filtered through various channels. I added my own meanings and judgments to all the events and people. In short, I only  thought my own negative version of it and believed that.There was no clarity and I drifted apart from what was home. Its now referred to as hometown. Earlier it was where my heart was.

I had a lot of resistance to this holiday. I had heard a lot of stuff and relied on all of it. There was complete disgust. I was sure I had moved on in life and had cut the umbilical cord long back. There was no desire any more to show my childhood haunts to the children. But there was a higher cause calling me. After a long battle with self, I agreed to convince myself to have a fun filled holiday. I agreed to dance with the waves.I agreed to flow with the tide. I agreed to be the water element which takes the shape of the vessel it is in. I agreed to give up my past hurts and fears. I agreed to get down  the Pandora's box of happy childhood memories from the cobweb filled attic. I agreed to let go. I agreed to not be right about my self and my opinions. I agreed to see the life beyond my shrouded views. I agreed to loose to win. I agreed not to be afraid of walking down the memory lanes and even dark alleys if needed. The demons of fear and apprehension built were all imagined by me. Some memories were erased while some were sought out after a lot of internal searching. The churning was no less than the one the Asuras and Devas had for the Amrit.

From the pilgrimage,I came out cleansed. I came out loved. I came our cherishing my childhood and being cherished. I experienced love from all and was capable of giving love to all. There was nothing to be proved to anyone or by anyone.The bridges which needed to be repaired were all in my mind. I was new and so were they. Did we rekindle our friendship or love? No. We created a whole new universe of love and relationship.A new dawn for me.
Thank you.

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