Is it working?

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The tubelight in my bedroom did not work for a long time. I had stopped using the switch. There was no energy , time or inclination to repair it. Seemed the case in the bathroom too. I am so okay with things not working as far as my life is not hampered.Today while working on my laptop, I decided to switch it on with my big toe. Bingo, it came on. By the time I could finish typing one sentence and gloating overit,the light started flickering. All thoughts of spending half a saturday to locate an electrician and convince him to come home, were not calling. I was mentally going through all the switches, lights and fans which needed some kind of repair. Getting the electrician for one flickering tubelight was not justifiable. I climbed on the study table, it takes my weight because it is fixed to the wall. I turned the tubelight around and there was light. I didn't heave a sigh of relief as by now I had a list of things which needed the electrician's healing touch. This light works but there is more that needs to work.

I am so okay with bits and parts working that I dont bother about the whole. At times I repair things in parts and sometimes I just give up. I tried to get some clothes repaired and gave it to a lady.One button of my favourite brown shirt would have come off if I had sneezed. The elastic of the child s corduroys had become loose. I gathered a few clothes and went to Neha. She is this slim dark sexy woman on the thinner side and wears deep back blouses. She does the alteration and is now graduating to stitching saree blouses. Once I had asked her, who stitiches your saree blouses and she had proudly told me "Main aur Kaun!" ie Me and who else? There must be a huge demand for those low cut blouses in my area. I have not yet acquired the courage or the body to wear it.It doesn't mean I don't aspire to wear it.
Will this aspiration also be one of those things in my life which are not working or not working as well as I would like it to?

So many of my relationships fall in this category: 'Could be better' category. I keep hoping for the best, trying to improve or mend in some cases and blaming the other person in most cases. There is this huge thing that why should I be the only one working on a relationship. Why cant the other person also walk a few steps towards me? Cant they see the effort I am putting in to make this relationship better? Why cant they meet halfway or work fifty percent towards it? I am giving so much of myself to it, why is there no acknowledgement for it? With my home, I dont mind doing the repair or getting it done. With my relationships, I expect division of labour. I do not take responsibiltiy of a relationship not working. The blame is always out there.

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