Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Infrastructure today

This morning the weighing scale said I was heavier by 2kgs in a month. Don't worry, the Skyfall didn't happen. Much as I wanted to feel like dirt and blame my eating habits, I was quite okay. Disturbed for sure, but not killing. The pain, if any, was quite bearable. The first thought was as far as people can't make out, its okay. My life seems to revolve around people's opinions.  I think about them,what they said, how they behaved etc. all the time. Maybe I should finally listen to my yoga Sir and start meditation. Its something I have completely avoided without appearing to be resisting it. The class gets over after Shavasan or the sleeping pose. Post that the women are totally agitated about reaching home and push each other to get out of class. The calm effect of the aasan has worn off completely. Since most women are sixty plus, they look at me and comment on my children. Comments vary from 'Your kids must be keeping you on your toes' to 'Are their exams over?" to "This age is difficult and kids are so spoilt/naughty." I keep telling them with a stern smile that my children do not disturb me and are very easy. I have never missed Yoga because of them. I have not missed anything I really wanted in my life because I have children.

These women in my class are a classic sample of how the society thinks of their own kids as a burden to raise. They think it is so difficult and we have to do so much for the children when they are small. I am not surprised that these children find their old parents a burden. Most of these women do not live with their children. Its just that if a child grows up hearing he is naughty, which the mother is very proudly announcing to all who care to listen, he definitely doesn't think his parent is praising him. I am jumping topics but I am really concerned. I see these Yoga class ladies saying they have done enough for their children and now want to relax. Most of them do not want to go to their children's homes. They like their own space. They do not want to help out the child even post child birth. Some ladies might go to help because of societal pressures. These ladies do not want their grandchildren at home. I have yet to hear even one of them speak fondly of their grandchildren. Desire to spend time with their children or grandchildren is not there as that is asociated with a lot of hardwork and no fun. This thought process is truly breaking up the joint family system in India.

The joint family system in India came with a lot more advantages. With education amongst the women folk, the mothers did not want their girls to help in house work. The father still took his son to his shop or office from a young age to induct him but women thought they suffered by cooking and cleaning. The educated women s first thought was that my girl child will not do any household work as that is demeaning. So the new educated daughter in law thought house work was bad and refused to do it. the mother in law who wanted to give up all house work, was upset. This lead to clash and the son for his wife's sake and peace of mind separated. Though the joint business continued. The clash of ideology was always because of the women in the house. If the business split, that was also becuase of the women as they had their own perspective of how the money is to be allocated. This way slowly the joint family system started getting corroded. The daughter in laws had a battery of servants and lived happily. The mother in law in her angst was not a support to her grandchildren or daughter in law. The infrastructure of the joint family started breaking. People justified it by saying all get their space and love is there if you live apart.

No one took responsibilty of their children or grandchildren. Now when these couples became old, they wanted to be taken care of by the kids. The sons gave in under pressure but the daughter in laws revolted as they had not seen any help in the past coming from their in laws. I am writing help/support cause even love needs to in lot of othetranslate into action. Its not monetary but one can express love by spending time, acknowledging, gratitude, supporting r ways. Since the educated mother in law was busy enjoying her new found freedom, she refused to take on any new responsibilities. These women took an obtuse meaning of education. They took it to shirking all their responsibilities and yet being on a high moral ground. No one wants to adjust to the other. With all the pressures, India is loosing out on the excellent support system we had within the society.
The city infrastrucutre is also crumbling. The roads, the sewage, the traffic, the trees, the increase in crime rate are all the far flung repurcussions. We complain about it but then say we are helpless. It all adds up. Someone did not help me and I will not help my society/ nation/infrastrucutre. All are complaining and that seems to be the state of affairs of humanity.

No comments:

Post a Comment