Women

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Never knew writing to you was addictive. Aaj nahin likha toh sara din suna suna lag raha thaa. I thought it was because the husband was travelling on work that I felt this way. Well I was mistaken. Our Building has put some funny artificial Christmas tree and so has the school.Very sad ones all that I have seen so far. There is so much tackiness in the tree. I should be feeling happy that no one here is cutting down real trees. The way we are loosing our green cover, I wonder if my Grandchildren will get to see any trees. Let me also wonder if I will be alive to see my grandchildren.

Till one is not married , one is footloose and fancy free. I used to think these kind of conversations are made by overtly boring old people. With marriage, there is a funny attachment which comes in. It is so strong that it tears me down. Being a housewife makes me a worrier. Today there is this innate urge within me to generalize all that I am writing. With this generalization is the urge to 'Belong'. When I want to be exclusive, I say I do things differently. Using the word 'Better' as that would be immodest.

As soon as I walk into a party, I check out whether I want to belong or 'un belong'. Talking to men makes me 'un belong' amongst the wives. I am always wondering and worrying that they should not think I am eyeing their husbands. When I talk to the women, there is an unsaid censure I experience. I have worked in the corporates earlier, the housewife brigade feels I don't know a thing about running the house. They are the ones who married at the right time and have kids in their teens. The working women in the crowd think that she anyways would not have been able to be successful in her job.Then there is this whole lot of artistic women who have some defined talent like singing, dancing, teaching or people passionate about a cause, I completely admire them. I just don't understand their talent or their passion. So again I don't really belong. The kitty party type of women are dressed to the hilt, Power dressing in the party terms. I am too ill groomed for their liking. My hair has no highlights, no black nail polish or French manicured hands and definitely no heels. I don't even know how to put eyeliner properly.
I also can't chat up young kids. I find it best to leave them alone. Men, well, I don't mind them. With them, I am myself no inhibitions no fears. Even if they say something not so nice, I laugh it off. With men,I joke and get away with it.
But with women, I care. With women, I watch out.

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